


Almost There

by adiwriting



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, late season 3, season 3-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-03
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-07-11 22:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7073461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adiwriting/pseuds/adiwriting
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You’re asking me to become a murderer again,” Oliver says, one last ditch effort to change Felicity's mind.</p>
<p>“Not a murderer,” she says. “I would never ask you to break your vow. This won’t kill me. It’ll work. You’ll see.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost There

**Author's Note:**

> This was a prompt fill for the lovely @dontmockmyawkwardness for her birthday in which she requested an Olicity one-shot based on this gifset (http://adiwriting.tumblr.com/post/142568787186/this-gifset-is-giving-me-evil-fic-ideas-of-oliver). I posted this awhile ago on Tumblr but never got around to uploading it here! It's cannon-ish set during late season 3.

“No,” Oliver says immediately, using his Arrow voice.

“But—” Felicity starts to argue but he cuts her off.

“Absolutely not,” he says, leaving no room for argument.

Which of course does nothing to dissuade Felicity.

“It’s already been decided,” she says, folding her arms across her chest.

Oliver has to force himself to look away from the very low cut of her dress and the way her arms have strategically pushed up her breasts to the point of indecency. He says strategically, because there’s no way that amount of cleavage is by accident. Felicity wore that dress to get attention. Oliver prefers to think that she’s attempting to catch his, because the alternative… that she’s worn this dress to seduce Ray? He doesn’t want to think about that.

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to focus less on her appearance, and more on the argument at hand.

“Well I’m not doing it,” he says, glaring at her. “This plan requires my participation and I refuse.”

Felicity scoffs. She’s never been intimidated by him and it’s infuriating. She’s the most stubborn person he’s ever met. And also the smartest. Which makes it incredibly hard to argue with her.

“You refuse? That’s it? End of discussion?”

“Yes,” he says, looking at Digg for backup, but the man just stands there watching the two of them with an odd expression on his face. Like he’s waiting for something. “Just because I know how to do it, doesn’t mean it’s safe. I’m not risking your life. Not happening.”

“My life is already at risk,” Felicity argues. “There’s a hit out on me. If you don’t kill me, somebody else will.”

“That’s not going to happen,” he reassures her. “We’ll find another way.”

“That’s what you said 2 days ago and if you remember correctly, I almost got shot this morning,” she says.

“Yes. Almost. I got you out of the way in time,” Oliver says.

“Because you got lucky,” she argues. “What happens when you aren’t lucky the next time and I’m killed? You’re going to feel guilty because there was a plan that could have stopped this and you ignored it.”

“Just to be clear, your plan involves me putting you in a chokehold until you pass out and your pulse slows to the point where you’ll be declared dead. Then we’re to take you away — despite the fact that the police will have been called by this point — and revive you. At which point you’ll… What? Live in the bunker?”

He looks at her like she’s insane. This plan of hers? It’s insane.

“Temporarily, yes,” Felicity says, rolling her eyes at him. “Just as long as we need to get this mess sorted out.”

“And what will you tell people when you miraculously come back from the dead?” he asks. “What will you tell your boyfriend?”

“My boyfriend?”

“Ray?” he says, giving her an amused look even though merely saying the man’s name makes him want to punch something very hard.

“Right. Ray. My boyfriend. Ray is my boyfriend. I’m not sure what that has to do with this?” she says, which only causes Digg to snort.

Oliver and Felicity both glare at him and he holds his hands up in surrender and walks away, telling them to let him know when they’ve decided on a plan.

“Felicity,” he says softly, unable to stop himself from reaching out and tucking a loose curl behind her ear. If his hand conveniently ends up cradling her face, thumb stroking her cheek… Well that’s just because they’re such good friends. It has nothing to do with how badly he wants to kiss her. It has nothing to do with how much he wants to devour her in that dark green dress. God damnit, there’s no way she’s wearing green — his green — by accident.

“Ray is your boyfriend. He’s also a wannabe vigilante. He’s not going to just sit by and let somebody kill you tonight. Nor will he let us walk out of the building with you once we fake kill you. I know, because if I were your boyfriend…” he trails off.

That’s not a road he should go down tonight. No. Felicity has a boyfriend and it’s not him. He pulls his hand away and takes a step back from her, taking a deep breath to force himself out of his Felicity induced haze.

“Oliver…”

“And if you’re under too long, I won’t be able to get you back,” he continues, ignoring the way she’s looking up at him in what looks like longing.

He can’t focus on that right now, he need to focus on ending this stupid plan of hers. His excuse is stretching the truth. He knows that, because really, when Yao Fei did this to him, he was out for awhile and he turned out just fine. However, he’s not about to let Felicity know that.

“You will get me back,” Felicity says. “I won’t really die.”

“There are too many variables, and I can’t risk it,” he argues. “Not with you.”

“If you don’t do this, you are taking that risk. You’re risking losing me,” she informs him, reaching out to put her hand on his bicep. He takes a step back, determined to keep his distance, but it only causes her to move that much closer to him.

“I trust you,” she says, reaching up to hold his face in between her hands, forcing him to look her right in the eyes. Right in her all too trusting eyes.

“You shouldn’t,” he says, his voice barely a whisper.

“Oliver, I know you,” Felicity says. “You won’t let anything happen to me. Whether we go with this plan, or another one, I know I’ll be safe with you.”

“Then why—”

“Let me finish,” she cuts him off. “This plan ensures the least amount of violence. I refuse to let anyone else get hurt tonight simply because there’s a million dollar price on my head.”

“But—” he starts to argue, but she cuts him off yet again.

“My life. My choice,” Felicity says. “Agree to do this.”

“And what if I can’t get you back?” Oliver asks, his voice cracking on the last word as he tries not to picture her lifeless body. “You’ll be dead. I can’t live with that.”

“I won’t be,” she says, her eyes shining with faith that he hardly deserves. “I know we don’t talk about our feelings because you’re convinced you’re not allowed to have them. But I know you, Oliver. You care about me and you won’t allow yourself to mess this up. I’ll be okay. I trust you.”

“I can’t do it,” he says, shaking his head.

“You can,” she tells him, with one last nod, taking a step back from him and grabbing her purse. Effectively ending the conversation when they’ve hardly come to an agreement.

“Felicity—”

“Digg is going to act as my bodyguard tonight,” she informs him. “I’ll see you in exactly an hour. Please stick to the plan. It’s a good plan and it’s my choice.”

“You’re asking me to become a murderer again,” he says, one last ditch effort to change her mind.

“Not a murderer,” Felicity says. “I would never ask you to break your vow. This won’t kill me. It’ll work. You’ll see.”

Before she even lets him come up with a counter argument, the door is closing and she’s already gone.

Oliver’s so frustrated by the entire situation that he immediately picks up the closest thing he can find and throws it at the wall.

“You know she’s going to kill you for that,” Roy says, from his spot in the corner of the room.

Oliver jumps at the sound of his voice. He’d completely forgotten he was there. He looks at the ground to see that he’s actually thrown one of Felicity’s tablets. Roy’s right. She probably will kill him for that. But she’ll have to live through the night first.

“What would you do, if you were me?” Oliver asks, trying not to sound as shattered as he feels.

How has he let this happen? How is there a hit out on Felicity? How has he not been able to stop this from happening? Wasn’t this the point of him not being with her? That by letting her go, she was supposed to be protected from shit like this?

“If my girlfriend were to—”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Oliver interjects, which only causes Roy to roll his eyes.

“If she were to ask me to help fake her death in front of a room full of people in order to stop a hitman from trying to really kill her?” Roy says. “That depends on how confident I was that I could genuinely protect her from said hitman.”

He’s not confident. Oliver’s still reeling from the attack this morning where he’d just barely pulled her out of the way before a bullet found its way into her head. The men after Felicity weren’t playing around. They were going right for the kill shot.

Roy takes in his lack of response and gives him a sympathetic look, saying, “I guess that’s your answer.”

Oliver grunts. That’s what he’s been afraid of. The realization that Felicity is right and this plan actually makes sense.

“How many times have you done this parlor trick anyway?” Roy asks.

“Successfully?” Oliver asks, and Roy nods his head.

“4 times. Never on anyone as tiny as Felicity,” Oliver says.

“And unsuccessfully?” Roy asks.

“You don’t want to know the answer to that question.”

****

“I can’t believe I agreed to this plan,” Oliver says, grunting as he makes his way down the stairs with Felicity’s dead weight in his arms.

No. Not dead. Don’t think about that. She’s still got a pulse — just barely, but it’s there.

“We’ve gotta move fast, the police are only a minute or two out,” John says.

Oliver barely hears him. All of his attention is focused on the woman in his arms.

It’s like every one of his worst nightmares come true. He can’t count how many nights he’s woken up from dreams of her death. It’s his brain’s favorite way of tormenting him. Picturing her dead a million different ways. Shot. Stabbed. Pushed off a roof… How she dies is always different, but the reason why is always the same.

It’s his fault.

Her death is always his fault.

And now, he can say that he actually knows what it’s like to have his arm wrapped around her neck. To feel her go limp against him as life leaves her body.

It’s agony. Even knowing that she’s not technically dead yet. That all he has to do is press on her neck in just the right spot, with just the right amount of pressure, and she’ll spring back to life.

In theory.

It’s all still a theory, because he’s never actually tried this before with anyone as small as Felicity. He’d never say this to her face, but she’s far too breakable for her own good.  

What if it’s different? What if he can’t get her back? What if he can get her back, but there’s permanent damage?

He’ll never forgive himself if something goes wrong.

“She’s going to be okay,” John says.

Oliver’s not sure if he’s saying it for his own benefit or Oliver’s, but it doesn’t do anything to calm his pounding heart. It does nothing for the knots in his stomach. For the tears just barely being held back.

They make it out of the side door and into the van, where Oliver wastes no time in putting his fingers on her pulse point and pressing down in the exact place Yao Fei once taught him.

Only, Felicity doesn’t immediately spring back to life like he’s used to seeing.

“Felicity?” Oliver says, watching her body closely for any sign of life.

“Felicity!” he calls out when she doesn’t respond.

“What’s going on?” John asks, turning around from his seat up front to look at him, his face mirroring the same fear Oliver’s experiencing.

“She’s not responding!” he says, shaking her, hoping that will wake her up, but deep down, knowing it won’t.

“What are you talking about. She has to wake up,” John says.

“This was a stupid plan!” Oliver shouts, unable to stop the oncoming panic anymore. Tears fall from his face as he struggles to catch his breath. “Why did I ever let her talk me into this! Why did you let me do this?!”

“Is she breathing?” John asks.

Oliver leans over to put his ear by her mouth. He can’t hear anything except for the sound of his pounding heart.

“What about her pulse?” John asks.

Oliver’s hands are shaking as they move to her neck, searching for her pulse. He can’t tell if she’s still alive or not. Not with the way his hands refuse to stay still.

“The police are here, we have to move,” John says, putting the van into drive and peeling out of the alley they’d parked in.

“We need to get her to a hospital,” Oliver says, trying not to panic. There’s still time. She’s only been under a minute or so.

“Headed there now,” John says, driving as fast as he can, cutting through traffic and running red lights.

“Felicity, please,” Oliver begs, leaning over her body and openly crying by this point. “Please don’t be dead.”

“Why would I be dead?” her voice is so soft that he’s positive he’s imagined it, until he hears John crying out in relief.

He sits up and looks down at her, desperate to see her open her eyes. He needs to see that she’s okay. Needs to see that spark of life that has become his guiding light over the last few years.

The color is returning to her face and her eyelids are fluttering, like she’s trying to open them, but can’t quite do so, not yet.

“Felicity?” he says, tentatively, placing a hand on either side of her head.

Her eyes slowly open and he can’t help but sigh in relief.

“Hey,” he says, unable to stop himself from beaming down at her. “Welcome back.”

“You had us scared there for a minute,” John says.

Felicity looks around in confusion and begins to set up, but Oliver pushes her back down gently.

“Don’t try to move right now. We still don’t know if I caused any damage to your neck,” he tells her, unable to stop himself from leaning over and kissing her forehead several times.

She’s alive. She’s really alive. He didn’t kill her.

With each passing second, she looks more alert and the knots in his stomach begin to unravel.

And he’s left with an overwhelming feeling of relief. He honestly doesn’t know what he would have done if she’d died. It’s not a question he ever wants answered. Now, more than ever before, he’s assured of his feelings for her. He loves Felicity with every ounce of his being. He can withstand a lot. He has withstood a lot. However, he wouldn’t survive losing her.

“So it worked? You really brought me back?” Felicity says with a tone of surprise that catches him off guard.

“I thought you were 100% confident in this plan,” he says, trying to glare at her, but the goofy grin on his face is making it hard.

“I was,” she says, reaching out to squeeze his hand. “I was 99% sure of this plan.”

“99% sure,” he repeats, giving her a teasing look.

“Mmhmm. 95% sure it would work,” she says, pulling on his hand like she always does when she wants his attention.

Except, she’s already got his attention. So he’s not sure what she’s looking for, exactly.

She pulls on his hand again, and when he doesn’t move, she sticks out her bottom lip and pouts at him. Actually pouts.

“What?” he asks.

“I thought I’d at least get a ‘welcome back to the land of the living’ kiss,” Felicity whines. “I think I deserve at least that.”

He’s taken aback. The two of them? They aren’t together, and this? It doesn’t change any of those reasons why they can’t be together.

Felicity is still dating Ray Palmer. Oliver is still the Arrow. It’s not safe. If anything, today has proven how easily he can hurt her. She deserves somebody so much better than him.

“Guess not,” Felicity grumbles, rolling over to her side and pushing herself up before Oliver can stop her.

“You really need to let Digg check you over before you move around,” he says.

“I’m fine,” Felicity says. “Where’s Roy?”

“We had eyes on one of the hitmen. He’s chasing him down,” John explains.

“Well, what are you still doing here then?” Felicity asks Oliver. “Shouldn’t you be with him?”

“I wasn’t going to leave you,” Oliver says.

“Well I’m fine now,” she says, cooly. “You didn’t kill me. You can go.”

“Felicity…” he starts to say, but realizes he’s not sure what to say.

He knows what she wants from him. A part of him has always known, even if he’s tried to deny it over the years. He can’t give it to her though. Not now. Maybe not ever.

And Felicity had been the one to tell him to say never, then. She’d been the one to tell him to stop dangling maybes in front of her. She’d been the one to say she didn’t want to be a woman that he loved. She’d left him behind and found happiness with Ray.

He genuinely doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do in this situation.

So he does the only thing he can do. He asks Digg to take care of Felicity and hops out of the van to help Roy take out the hitman.

****

Several hours later, Oliver finds himself laying in bed, unable to sleep.

He can’t help but keep picturing Felicity’s lifeless body and picturing all of the worst case scenarios. Picturing what would have happened if she’d never woken up. He can still feel her body going limp against his.

When he closes his eyes, it’s even worse.

He pictures Felicity with a bullet to the head in a small office of an underground casino. He sees her crushed under fallen concrete in the basement of Verdant. He watches as she convulses on his office floor, finally going lifeless from a deadly dose of Vertigo…

She’s frozen in time, made into a serial killer’s vision of perfection. A doll…

She’s bleeding out from Tockman’s bullet. Dying trying to save Sara because he’d made Felicity feel like she didn’t have a place on the team…

She’s lying lifeless at Slade Wilson’s feet because he’d done the unthinkable…

How many times has Felicity Smoak almost died because of him? Because of a decision that he made? How many more times would he continue to allow it?

Before the island, he used to get called selfish on a daily basis. He likes to think he’s changed since then, but he hasn’t. If anything, he’s gotten worse. Because allowing Felicity to stay by his side despite all the times it’s almost cost her her life? It’s the most selfish thing he can think of.

He may not have killed her today, but Oliver is a monster. One of these days he’s going to be the cause of Felicity’s death.

Unless he pushes her away.

Except, he’s not sure that’s going to be possible. Felicity is as stubborn as a mule most days. He can tell her he doesn’t want her on the team anymore, but that won’t stop her from showing up. This he knows for sure. She’s made her choice, and for some unknown reason, she continues to choose him.

Well, he’s just going to have to figure out a way to make her leave. Oliver will need to do something to drive her away, because as much as her absence from his life would kill him, at least it wouldn’t kill her.

He’s going to have to let her go.

“Let me guess, you’re sitting here coming up with a million reasons why you’re a horrible person,” Felicity says.

He’s shocked to hear her voice. He looks up and there she is standing in his doorway. Her small frame silhouetted by the light in the hallway.

“What are you doing here? I thought the whole point of tonight was that everyone thinks you’re dead. Did you come here by yourself? There could still be a hit after you…” he rambles, moving to sit up in bed.

“This must be what I sound like when I babble,” she says, walking over to his bed and sitting on the edge of it. She moves to push him over, but he doesn’t budge.

“What are you doing?” he asks, skeptically.

He can’t say he’s never had this dream before. He has. Hundreds of times. He’d never admit it to anyone, but he’s had this fantasy of Felicity showing up at his door pretty much every night since their first date. Actually, if he’s being honest with himself, he’s had this fantasy even longer than that. Maybe even since their trip to Russia.

However, as much as he’s dreamed about this moment, there’s a reason that it’s stayed a dream. She can’t be here. They can’t do this. It doesn’t matter how much he’d love to pull her into bed with him and hold her through the night. Felicity deserves so much more than Oliver could ever offer her.

“It’s cold and I know you’re not going to make me sleep on the floor, so move over,” she says, trying to push him over again, moving like she’s planning on crawling into bed with him.

His every instinct is telling him to react. To move over and make room for her. Just the thought of sharing  a bed with her causes every nerve in his body to burn. He has never wanted anything as deeply as he wants Felicity.

“Felicity,” he says through gritted teeth, holding onto every fiber of self control he has. “What are you doing here?”

“I was in the Arrow Cave by myself,” she says with a shrug that causes the wide neck of her sweatshirt to fall off her shoulder, revealing that she’s wearing nothing underneath.

Oliver forces himself to look away.

Don’t think about her like that, he reminds himself. She’s not yours to have. She has a boyfriend.

“The pipes kept making weird sounds and freaking me out,” she says. “Besides, I knew you’d be beating yourself up all night, worrying over if you’d made the right decision or not.”

Of all the things he loves about Felicity, one thing he absolutely hates is how well she knows him. It’s unnerving.

“I never should have let you talk me into that,” he says, not even bothering trying to convince her that he hasn’t been lying here all night questioning his sanity. Why on Earth had he ever agreed to using that chokehold on Felicity. He could have killed her. They are lucky she’s still alive right now.

“I’m fine,” she says, taking his hand and putting it over her heart.

He knows she’s doing it so that he can feel her heart beating. It’s supposed to be reassuring. Friendly. It’s not supposed to turn him on. But his hand is barely two inches from cupping her breast and no matter how much he tries to think of anything else, he can’t.

“See? Heart’s still beating. Lungs still breathing.” she says, her voice more breathless than he’s used to hearing. She’s just as affected as he is.

If he were to lean in right now and kiss her, she’d let him.

But he can’t. To do so would be entirely selfish. He lets his hand fall down to his side, breaking the moment between them.

“Why don’t I just go sleep on the couch for tonight, you can sleep here,” he says, moving to get out of the bed.

She grabs onto his arm before he can stand up completely and pulls him back down next to her.

“None of this was your fault,” Felicity says.

To that, he can only scoff. The entire night is his fault. The fact that a hit has been ordered for her? It’s his fault.

“Your faith in me is entirely misplaced,” he tells her.

“It’s not,” she says. “You’re a good man, Oliver. I wish you would believe that.”

“You only say that because you don’t know me as well as you think you do,” he says. “You don’t know some of the things I’ve done.”

“I know you better than most,” Felicity says. “And I know there’s plenty more that happened while you were away. Stuff you may never tell anyone about. But it doesn’t matter. Oliver, do you remember what you told me the night that I found out Cooper was still alive?”

He shakes his head. He doesn’t remember anything from the night except wanting to make the self-loathing in her eyes disappear.

“You said that whatever experiences I had to go through, you were glad I did. Because they shaped the person I am today. And I’d tell you the same thing. I wish you hadn’t had to suffer so much. It kills me to know how dark those years were for you. But they shaped the person you are today. And you know how I feel about him.”

He looks down at her in surprise. Is she really saying what he thinks she’s saying?

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he’s always known it had to be true. That Felicity has to love him as much as he loves her. However, she’s never outright said it to him. She’s never really told him what it is she feels for him. Not explicitly…

If she is… What does it matter? He can’t accept her love. He can’t let her know how much he returns it. The two of them being together is an awful idea.

“I know we aren’t together right now. And I know that I have Ray and you have… your ridiculous fears,” she says, gently pushing him back into the bed and crawling in next to him. This time, against his better judgement, he doesn’t fight it.

“But I think you need this, and I’m willing to give it to you,” she says.  

His breath catches in his throat at her words and it takes him a good minute to compose himself enough to respond.

“I’m not so sure that’s such a good idea,” he says, very careful to keep his hands to himself and his body from touching any part of her.  

“What? Why? Oh… You think I’m talking about sex? No. I’m not talking about sex. You and I… We’re not having sex. Nope. Not that I wouldn’t have sex with you. I’d totally have sex with you. I’d climb you like a tree. I mean have you seen you? That’s not important. Forget I said that. All of it actually. The point is. I have a boyfriend. There will be no sex tonight. I just meant, that we could sleep together. Platonically,” she says, and even in the dark, he can tell she is blushing.  

“You want to sleep with me,” he repeats, sure that he’s going to wake up soon and this will have all been a dream. A strange, exhaustion-induced dream.  

“Platonically. And by sleep, I mean actual sleep.”

“Why?” he asks, confused why she would ever think of an idea like this.

“So that when you wake up from a nightmare, all panicked that you’d really killed me and everything that happened after was just a hallucination… you can look over and see me. You can reach out and feel my heartbeat,” she explains.  

He has to admit, that does sound kind of amazing. In fact, he may actually get some sleep tonight if she’s there next to him.

“What’s in it for you?” he asks.

“Besides knowing that I’m helping you get a good night’s sleep for once in your life?”

“Yeah,” he says, knowing that she can’t be over here entirely for his own benefit.

“I guess I need it too,” Felicity mumbles so softly that he can barely hear her, but he catches what she says.

“I’m sorry?” he says, wanting her to say it again louder.

“I guess I need it too,” she says, clearly annoyed that he’d made her admit she isn’t as unaffected by the night’s activities as she’d like them to believe. “I had a nightmare in the Arrow Cave and I just… I wouldn’t mind having you here so that I know no one is going to come and kill me in my sleep.”

“I didn’t realize you were that scared,” Oliver says concerned. Felicity, his Felicity, is always so fearless. She’s one of the bravest people he’s ever known. He hadn’t asked her how she was doing earlier that night. He hadn’t even questioned her when she’d promised him that she was fine.

“You told us that you weren’t worried,” he says.

“I didn’t want you guys to think I couldn’t handle it… But I guess, I can’t handle it?” she says, shrugging her shoulder, unable to meet his eyes.

“Felicity, of course you’re scared,” he says, reaching out to take her hand in his. “There is a literal price on your head. Professional hitmen have been coming after you.”

“Yeah, well I don’t want you guys to start thinking that I can’t hold my own and try to kick me off the team,” she says, pulling her hand back.

“We aren’t going to kick you off the team,” he says softly, deciding not to mention that is exactly what he’d been planning on doing right before she’d walked through his door.

“Yeah. Okay,” she says, and he doesn’t have to see her face to know that she’s rolling her eyes.

And in that moment, Oliver realizes that it’s true. It may make him a selfish asshole, but there’s no force in the world that will ever convince him to push her out of his life forever. He couldn’t do it. She is his entire world now.

When had that happened?

“You’re irreplaceable,” he reassures her, pulling her hand back into his own.  

“You promise?” she asks

“I promise,” he says, squeezing her hand for reassurance.

“Good,” she says, rolling over onto her side so they can look at each other more clearly. “Cause I should probably admit, I’m terrified.”

“Of course you are,” he says. “But I swear, I will die before I let anything happen to you.”

“I know,” she says with a soft smile. “That’s why I came here.”

It’s a sweet moment. One that he’s tempted to seal with a kiss. However, there’s still one giant barrier between them that hasn’t been resolved.

“Don’t you think that your boyfriend will care that you’re sleeping in another man’s bed, even if you’re only sleeping?” he asks, hating himself for even bringing up Ray Palmer, but somebody has to. Oliver may not like Ray, but he’s long ago promised himself that he would never sleep with another man’s girlfriend again. Not after he slept with Laurel behind Tommy’s back. He’d felt like shit for a long time after that, and he doesn’t plan on feeling that way again. Even if it meant he’d be able to be with Felicity.  

She takes a long time to respond. He’s sure that he’s ruined it by talking about Ray. But eventually she speaks up.

“I think the fact that it’s your bed I’m crawling into at night when I’m scared and not his tells me that it was never going to last between us,” she says.  

“What are you saying?” he asks, trying not to get his hopes up.

Even if she were to break up with Ray, there’s still the whole ‘it’s not safe’ problem to deal with. On top of the whole, ‘she’s way too good for him’ aspect.

“I’m saying that it’s probably time I break up with Ray,” she says.  

“I don’t want you breaking up with him for me.” Oliver says, even though that’s exactly what he wants. It’s what he’s wanted from the second he saw the two of them kissing each other at Palmer Tech.

“Why? Because you still can’t be with me?” she asks, glaring at him.

“You don’t know how badly I want to be with you,” he tells her.

“Then be with me Oliver,” she says with a roll of her eyes. As if it were that simple.  

“I can’t put you in that kind of danger,” he tries to explain. They’ve been over this before, but no matter how many different ways he tries to make her understand, she never quite does. 

“You mean the kind of danger that would cause a hitman to come after me? Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but that happened regardless of the fact that we aren’t together,” she says.  

“I know,” he says, but is stopped from saying anything more as she continues to rant.  

“And if my life is going to be at risk no matter what, wouldn’t it make the most sense for us to be together? Where you can have me close enough to protect as much as you’d want?” she says.

He doesn’t say anything, deciding to let her get it all out. However, when she just stares at him expectantly, he realizes that hadn’t been a rhetorical question.

“Somehow I doubt you’d let me protect you as much as I want if we were together. You’re too stubborn and independent for that,” he tells her.

“True. But you’d get to come home to my bed every night. Which would provide me at least 8 hours of good old fashioned manly protection every night, complaint free,” she says.  

“It’s cute that you think I’ve ever gotten 8 hours of sleep,” he says with a laugh.  

“Well maybe if you didn’t sleep alone, you’d have less nightmares.”

“I don’t have nightmares,” he tells her, causing her to roll her eyes.  

“Okay,” she says.

And in that moment, he can see the next 50 years of his life. He can see himself coming home everyday to this woman. He can see them bickering with each other as they crawl into bed, where he’ll inevitably give in to whatever she wants and they’d go to sleep cuddled up close. Oliver could have this. He really could.

And damn. He wants it. He’s never wanted anything as much as he wants Felicity, and she’s right here telling him that she wants the same thing. So why does he keep fighting it. Instead of spending his days and nights coming up with ways to push her away, why doesn’t he spend his time figuring out a way to make it work? A way to keep her close, but also keep her safe?

“Okay,” he agrees, giving her a significant look that he prays she understands, because he’s not sure he has enough nerve to come right out and say it.

“Okay, okay? Like, okay you agree you have nightmares? Or like, okay, you’ll stop being an idiot?” she asks.

“The second one.”

She sits up in bed and looks down at him in shock.

“Really?” she asks, her voice tinged with doubt. Like she believes he’ll take it back at any moment.

It hurts a bit, but he knows that he’s earned every bit of her doubt and then some.

“Yes,” he says. “I’m still not sure how it will work…”

“We’ll figure it out,” she says, giving him a huge, blinding smile. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“Together…” he says, testing the word out on his tongue. He likes the sound of it.

“I want to kiss you right now, but I’ll wait. I don’t want our first kiss to be while I’m still technically with somebody else,” she says, clearly disappointed that she can’t just kiss him right now. He understands. He wants to kiss her, too.  

“It wouldn’t be our first kiss,” he teases her, even though he knows she’s right. He doesn’t want to kiss her while she’s still with Ray either.  

“I don’t count the one in the hospital,” she says. “I’ve done my best to erase that entire conversation from my memory.”

“Well that’s a shame, it was a damn good kiss,” he informs her. “I’d even argue it’s the best kiss I’ve ever had, and I’ve kissed a lot of women.”

“Don’t remind me,” she says, jabbing him in the chest with her elbow.

“Ouch,” he says, even though he hardly felt it.  

“Imagine how much better it will be when I’m not holding back tears this time,” she says, cuddling in next to him.

He wraps his arms around her and pulls her closer to his side, sucking in a deep breath at the memory of how much pain he’s caused her over the last year or so.

“Felicity?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really sorry,” he says. He doesn’t often apologize. It’s not in his nature. But he knows if anyone deserves a thousand apologies from him, it’s her.

“Okay,” she says.

He knows that it isn’t enough. He’ll spend the next year apologizing at least once a day and it still probably won’t be enough. But for now, he let’s it go. They’ve got enough going on at the moment without forcing her to alleviate his guilt for all the pain he’s caused her.

“In the spirit of being honest, I’m terrified of what agreeing to this… to us…  means,” he tells her.

“Let’s just take things one day at a time,” she says through a yawn, reminding him that it’s now 3 in the morning and they really should be getting to sleep.

“Right. One day at a time,” he says as he pulls the blankets over both of them.

“Tonight, we’ll sleep,” she says, burrowing herself into his side and getting comfortable.  

“Platonically,” he says, a hint of teasing in his voice.  

“Do you think you can handle that?” she teases him back, running her cold toes up his shin.  

Before the island, he would have pushed for more. He would have flirted and charmed his way past her barriers until she no longer cared about waiting until both of them were single. But Oliver isn’t that man anymore and he won’t push with Felicity. If he’s going to do this with her, he wants to do it right. Because this thing between them? He intends for it to be forever.

“With you? I think I can probably handle anything,” he says.  

“Oh my god. You’re going to be one of those overly cheesy boyfriends, aren’t you?” she says, rolling her eyes.

“No?”

“You are. I can already tell. Laurel didn’t warn me about this,” she tries to sound put out, but he can hear the joy in her voice.

“Probably because I wasn’t a very good boyfriend to her; while I plan on being a very good boyfriend for you,” he says.

And it’s true. He does. He plans on giving her the world.

Or at least he did.

But like everything else that’s good in Oliver’s life, his happiness is taken away all too quickly.

Before Felicity can even break up with Ray properly and they can officially become each other’s something, Ra’s al Ghul is back and has decided he’s done waiting for Oliver to make a decision. He’s made it for him. Ra’s al Ghul sets out to destroy his life so that he has no choice but to join the League. One thing leads to another, and before he knows it, he’s forced to leave everyone he knows and cares about behind in order to save Thea’s life.

Oliver can only hope, that when everything is all said and done, Felicity will still be waiting.


End file.
